Last sunday was a pretty crazy day.
I had insomnia, which is not uncommon for me – I like to blame my genetics: I remember waking up in the middle of the night and quietly opening my door to peak out and watch the movie my dad was always watching – but honestly, I think, just like my father, I simply had something more exciting to do then sleeping.
So, at 3:00AM I finally gave up trying to go back to sleep and just got up. I made coffee – COFFEE! Like I’m sure you’d end up realizing sooner or later: I’m addicted to coffee – did some stretching to wake ma bodee and sat in front of my computer. When I got tired of banging my head against coding problems it was around 5:40.
Perfect! The rest of the world is awake. I can go outside.
Well… the rest of the world was a little lazy on that beautiful sunday because when I got to the beach there wasn’t anyone there. Not a single soul.
It was the most peace and silence I’ve felt in a long time.
The sun was struggling to make its light shine from behind the mountain and the clouds were bright pink.
I took a deep breath.
And then I started running.
I had not planned to run. I was wearing pajama shorts and my grandpa’s oversized Clemson sweatshirt. But I ran anyway.
After a couple of minutes I started to play some random new music on my phone.
And then this one song begins to play. And wholly shirtballs, it was perfect. It’s like he wrote that song for me, the me at that exact moment. All my thoughts and worries – “am I going to regret waking up so early?”, “did I use this time well?”, “what the hell am I doing with my life?” – it was all answered by that song.
The few souls that saw me at the beach that day probably had a good laugh at the sight of a messy looking teenager, dancing and skipping as she runs like a little kid.
The song is called I’m born to run, and here are the best little snippets:
I’m born to run down rocky cliffs
Give me grace, bury my sins
Shattered glass and black holes
Can’t hold me back from where I need to go
This part really hit close to home, this last year has had some really awesome moments but it also had some dark phases. But it’s okay, that’s in the past, I’m running.
I’m gonna spend my time like tomorrow won’t come
Do whatever I want like I’m born to run
I wanna see Paris, I wanna see Tokyo
I wanna be careless even if I break my bones
I’ve been saying for a long time “I want to do ____. I’ll do it when _____ happens”.
I want to work, I’ll do it when I’m 18.
I want to study, I’ll do it when I get to college.
I want to travel, I’ll do it when covid goes away.
But then what is left to do today? Why am I putting my life on hold?
Yes, I’m gonna do all those things and I can’t wait, but now? I still have to live, and I am: I’m running.
My body moves, it’s speaking loud
Don’t have to say what I’m thinking now
All these things I’ve seen and done
I live my life like I’m born to run
I don’t own anyone an explanation for what I do. I don’t need anyone’s permission. I have a voice. I have stories. I might not be the most qualified, the most experienced, the best at everything, but I’ve seen and done so much already.
Needless to say Sunday was a great day. I got this energy and drive that has been with me ever since.
I’m still running. I started this blog. I let life know that I’m ready and opportunities I’ve been looking for have started to show up.
Maybe they were there all along and I was just too focused on the distant future to see what was right in front of me.