Yesterday I had what I would have considered an absolutely perfect day:
Wake up super early, journal, workout, go to the barn, spend the afternoon at a cafe and work, go for a hike with my puppy, watch TV with my family, read and go to sleep.
So perfect…
…too perfect.
I used to obsess so much about being perfect, about doing things right.
The perfect routine. The best habits. Following the schedule, task by task, having my whole day planned out.
I was like a machine – a strong and rigid robot.
And that’s why I was so afraid – before starting the altMBA – of what it would be like to have my schedule turned upside down, of leaving behind my robot armor.
But during the program, there was always this one thing I would have to face everyday – no matter what else was going on, no matter my fears, no matter what other obligations or problems popped up – I just had to ship it.
It was intense.
It was challenging.
It was fun.
It was mind opening.
It was a journey.
Now I’m back “home”, back to my normal life. But I don’t feel like it’s mine anymore.
For this last week, I have been trying to go back to my “perfect routine” – while attempting to implement some of the lessons from the program – but that armor doesn’t seem to fit anymore.
Yes, not having it on brings chaos and uncertainty.
But the chaos sparks creativity.
And uncertainty means freedom.
I’m not so sure I want to put it on anymore, I don’t know if I want to keep being this machine.
I have a new definition to a “perfect day”:
It’s not about filling it with good things in the best order.
It’s not about doing 10 things I’m happy with.
It’s not about all the gods smilling upon me, the stars lining up and everything happening exactly like I want them to.
It’s about asking myself: “what is the one hard thing I can do today that will make me proud?”
And nothing else matters. Just that – not solving all my problems, not getting everything right – one thing. One hard challenge.
Just f*^ing shipping it.