Just Begin

Having my own website/blog has been on my list of projects for a really long time.

But, as with every project, the biggest barrier is the too-high expectation I put on it.

Because when I think of creating a space that will portray all of who I am, I start imagining beautiful graphics and parallax effects, wisely crafted words and brain stimulating essays.

But a recent experience forced me to question this.

2022 did not start the best way. 

I was exhausted, more exhausted than I have ever been. I was in the middle of applying to college and on the verge of burnout. 

Most of my deadlines were due on January 1st and I was working full-time to get everything ready. Things were not going according to plan and it was a crisis after crisis. 

Recommendation letters, high school transcripts, essays, documents, test scores… I’m sure I’ll be writing more about the absurd process I – and every person who chose this path – had to go trough, but my whole system was out of whack. 

So, on December 31st, I didn’t have the energy to celebrate. While my family ate and talked, I went to sleep.

But not for long.I woke up at 3 a.m. and couldn’t fall back asleep – my tired brain unable to stop going over checklists and deadlines.  

This wasn’t at all how I wanted to start a new year. 

One downside of the “Dreamer” side of me, is that I sometimes get caught up in the perfect scenarios and plans that I create in my head. 

Celebrate with the family, have a great night of sleep, wake up the next day, do yoga, meditate, have coffee and write, reflect on the previous year, set goals for the upcoming year, bla bla bla. 

None of that shit was happening. 

I wanted to just say “screw it”. I just wanted to quit. If it wasn’t going to be perfect, why even try, right?

At 4:53 a.m. I open my email and receive a well-deserved slap in the face from Seth Godin.